"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
