I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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