I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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