rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
