Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
