So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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