Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
