Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
