Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
