if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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