So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
