i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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