Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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