Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
