The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
