In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
