he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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