Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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