Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
