he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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