Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
