how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
