i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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