xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
