I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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