He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
