drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
