last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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