I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
