So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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