I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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