sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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