I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
