Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
