a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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