I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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