This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
