whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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