I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
