I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
