I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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