Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
