I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
