You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
