I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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