Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
