But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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