He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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