Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
