I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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