Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
they need to just BURY HIM!
honey bunches of taint.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
