Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
