They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
