He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
