Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
