I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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