you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
