Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize