she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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