and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
