Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sobbing to NWA
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
